I decided that the story of Caleb's conception is so amazing that I shouldn't keep it to myself. My Sunday school teacher said several months ago that when God writes a story of His faithfulness in our lives, we need to be faithful to share that with others. So here goes.
In September 2006, Dan & I agreed that we were ready to start trying to have another baby. After 4 or 5 cycles of trying with no success, I convinced him that we needed to start Clomid again. After all, it took Clomid to get us pregnant with Reyna, so I figured the Clomid would have us pregnant in just a couple of months. Remember that with Reyna we got pregnant on the 2nd cycle of Clomid (after trying for 3 1/2 years). So January was our first cycle of the meds, and it didn't seem that we were pregnant, so I took the meds again in February. We later found out that we had actually conceived a baby in January, but we miscarried in February. The doctor decided we needed to take a month off to let my body get back to normal. And March 10th or 11th I was still grieving the life we had lost as I cried in my bed that night. The thought came into my head that it was odd how when I lay on my stomach, I can actually feel my heart beating (pulsing) in my belly. Immediately after I had that thought another came into my head. This one was -- and I quote -- "Another heart will beat in your belly." I was shocked and surprised and wondered if that was my thought or if God had really spoken to me. And, I replayed that message in my head over and over. It occurred to me that the message said "your belly" and not "my belly." This was definitely not a thought concocted by my own brain. God spoke it to me. I'm amazed that I serve a God who is willing to communicate directly to me in such an awesome way. And, I know He is concerned about everything happening in my life.
Well, you might think that after hearing from the Lord I'd rest in His promise and be assured of bearing another child. Not so. We took the clomid for 3 more cycles all without another conception. Knowing that you're only allowed to take 6 cycles of the medication, I was sure that God had meant some time down the road who knows when or that perhaps I hadn't really heard from God and it was just my imagination. I'm so flaky it's amazing that God loves me at all. Anyway I was tired of the stress of trying to conceive, and I didn't want to be disappointed that sixth month, so I talked to Dan about it. He said that he didn't think we ever needed Clomid anyway, to which I responded that we hadn't ever gotten pregnant without it. Then he reminded me that God had told me I would be pregnant again and didn't I trust Him to be able to make that happen even without Clomid? I'm so glad my husband points me back to God! So, we decided to not take the 6th cycle of the medication.
It was such a relief and heartbreaking all at the same time. I felt like I was giving up my hopes and dreams and placing all of my faith in God that He would be true to spoken word. Man, was He ever. That sixth month (July 2007) we conceived our baby, Caleb -- without medication. He'll arrive in a few short months and with God's grace hopefully he'll be healthy and perfect in every way.
Babies come from the Lord!
Thank you, Father, for loving me, for accepting me, and for SPEAKING to me. Please forgive me for doubting You. I ask that You help Dan & I to raise this son to love and worship You alone. Amen.
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